Sport Helicopter & Pilot
Global Information Exchange

Turning world
Aviation Joke Page
This Page was created
June 12, 1997

UpDated Nov. 5th, 1999

Reuters News Worldwide report..................

Poland's worst helicopter air disaster occurred today when a Jet Ranger crashed into a large cemetery early this morning as the Ranger was on traffic patrol.  Polish aviation authorities fear the death toll is likely to climb past the 326 bodies discovered so far as the search and rescue workers continue digging.



Going into Sea-Tac one day this was what I heard--
ATC--Belchfire heavy reduce speed to 220 knots--following slower traffic.
Belchfire--Roger 220 knots
ATC--Belchfire your'e still closing-reduce to 180 knots.
Belchfire--Roger 180
after a few moments----
ATC--Belchfire reduce another 20 knots--still overtaking slower traffic.
Belfire---Approach this is belchfire--do you know the stall speed on this aircraft?
after a short pause--
ATC--No sir, but I'm sure that the co-pilot does.

Rick Roth



Army Helicopte Flight School
.
At the US Army's Primary Helicopter flight School in Mineral Wells, Texas, each instructor (IP/Instructor Pilot) had two students, the primary student and a second student rides along to observe called the "Stick Buddy".

My "Stick Buddy" was a Medical Service Corps Lieutenant who was having a little trouble getting the hang of things.  During one post flight debriefing on the ground  the IP filled out a pink (unsatisfactory), grade slip on my Stick Buddy and handed it to him in my presence.

The Instructor asked the Lieutenant if he had any questions.

My Stick Buddy looked over the grade slip for a moment and then in a quite sarcastic tone of voice asked our IP. "Now, where you have checked "Attitude" as unsatisfactory,   is that in referring to my attitude or my ability to control the attitude of the helicopter"?

The Instructor paused for a moment and answered "Yes".
.
Contributed by:
COL (Ret) Victor Lent, New Orleans, Louisiana, USA,
Feb. 25th, 1998
.

... Actual radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations.

#1: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
#2: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
#1: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
#2: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
#1. THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER ENTERPRISE, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF
      THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!
#2. This is a lighthouse. I guess it is YOUR call if you turn or not............... Over and Out ............


And if yr Continental, Mickie's big hand is on the ....

True funny story, similar to one of yours:

I got my private some years ago at Longmont CO with Larry M.  There was an outfit on the field putting air conditioning in bizplanes.  After a lesson we wound up sitting in the office of a Commander talking.

I said:

"Larry, how come there's no air conditioning vents up here?  Don't they care about the pilots?"

Larry said:

"It's those two big fans out on the wings keep the pilots cool, and if you don't believe it you watch 'im sweat when one of 'em stops."

Contributed by: Lynwood H. Wilson
Boulder Colorado USA


A student helicopter pilot was taking his first lesson. At a point near the end of the first lesson the flight instructer decided to see if the new student had any knowledge of helicopter aerodynamics.

Instructor says to Student:
The spinning blades on top of the helicopter, do you know what it's exact pourpous is for?

Student reply:
Yeah, the new pilot to-be confidently sounds out......It's a fan........

Instructor's horrified reply:
No it's not a fan, the seasoned flight instructor mouth's into the mike;and adds to silently to him self "you dumbo"!

Student reply:
I bet you'll start swetting big time if I turn it OFF....................


A high-pitched, obviously youthful voice suddenly came over the public address system in a Boeing 747 passenger jet. "Hi, my name is Tommy, my daddy is letting me fly.....
Then a sudden loud woshing sound filled the cabin of the 747 via the craft's loud speaker system.

The young voice sounding quite surprised bellows out "I did'nt know 747s have ejection seats, daddy, wait for me"..... Another woshing sound was heard fllowed by the PA system going quiet?

Contributed by: Sidney Sakko, Holland

During a long flight, a 757 driver casually asks his co-pilot,

Do you know what the big difference between the rear aircrew (flight attendants)
and the engines is?

The second officer asnwers back to his superior, "I don't know, to me they are not much alike at all.

The captain says to his underling, "It's simple son, the engines stop whining after we land!"

Contributed by: Douglas R Jackson

PILOT: Oshkosh tower could you please give me a time check?

TOWER: Please identify yourself.

PILOT: What difference does it make. I only want a time check!

TOWER: It makes a BIG difference.
If you are general aviation, it's 4:30.
If you are military it's 16:30.
If you are Lufthansa it's 22:30 Zulu,....
and if you're an ultralight, it's thursday a few hours before dark.

Compliments of Flavio Giacosa,
Mini Max Driver/Builder & WebMaster,
Alba Italy


Q: How does a Marine pilot know when his landing gear is up?

A: It takes full power to taxi!!

Compliments of Joshua Garth, US Navy Sea Hawk Driver, Jacksonville Florida, USA

Beam over to SHnPGIE's
Non Aivation Jokes
page.


Please eM SHnPGIE your tastefull
Aviation Related Jokes
For Posting Here.
Thank You
..
Beam to
Aviation Joke Page
or
Sport Helicopter n Pilot Global Information Exchange